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Holy Programming Contest

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Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later when the power is restored, God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God looked at Satan and smiled. "Jesus saves."



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A man walks into a bar and sits across the bartender.

The bartender sees that the man is poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear. He asks, "What are you doing?"

The man replies, "Oh, it's the latest technology. I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and the later does hear a dial tone.

After a few drinks, the man goes to the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. As he walks in, he sees the man is standing with his legs apart and pants down, with hands on the wall. He has the end of the toilet roll shoved in his rear end.

Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?"

The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax

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