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7 Geek Subspecies

Posted On 2014-11-06 by dwirch
Keywords: List,seven,types,geek
Tags: Blog Tech Jokes General 
Views: 1383


The geek species has many different subspecies. There is a type of geek for just about every subject area in existance. You have food geeks, movie geeks, boating geeks, and more. This being a tech site, I'd thought I'd share a few subspecies from the tech strata.

You may agree with these, you may not. Be aware that some of these seem to be a identical, but in reality, are completely different subspecies, and some cases, will even attack each other.

Fanboy

A fanboy is basically a cheerleader. He has an unbridled love for a particular company or product, and takes great joy in quoting the marketing materials created by the company. Due the lack of a real job, the fan boy may not have the necessary funds to actually purchase the product that he drones on about. He can, however, be found in stores or sales outlets, help customers with their purchases by answering any question that he has memorized from the "borrowed" owners manual he treats like a bible. The fanboy can become easily flustered when asked a question for which the answer does not appear in advertising brochures or the user guide. A fanboy can be in danger of becoming a zealot, if not shown the error of his ways. It is possible to broaden their horizons, but only within a small window of time.

Quick Summary

  • Unbridled love for a particular brand/device/OS/software.
  • Likes to throw around words like gigahertz and intuitive, without really knowing what they mean.
  • Although not employed there, can be found in particular stores helping customers.

Gamer Geek

These guys are hard core. Fueled by Mountain Dew Code Red or Bawls, the gamer geek will think nothing of spending 40 hours of a weekend sniping n00bs in the latest Call of Duty release. Even thought their gaming rig has more horsepower than some countries, they are always trying to find ways to either buy the latest video card, or optimize the current system in order to eek out a few more frames per second (fps). Because running Halo at 6349 fps will be much smoother than 6347 fps, right? The command of video game history mastered by this geek is also impressive. From the early days when Pong first hit the scene, to the latest guess on the release of Half Life 3, this guy knows all the key players and timelines.

The gamer geek also takes great delight in utilizing "leet speak" in conversation with the rest of society. He enjoys the puzzled looks when uttering "LOL" instead of politely giggling after someone tells a particularly good joke.

Quick Summary

  • Drink of choice - Mountain Dew Code Red or Bawls (+1 mana after every chug).
  • Enjoys discussing at great length the various good and bad points of various physics engines.
  • Always on the quest to get more frames per second.
  • knows the entire history of Nintendo, but hasn't touched a console since the SNES was new.
  • Has dominated Final Fantasy VII, which is the greatest story ever told.
  • Uses leet-speak in casual conversation with "normals".

Gadget Geek

A gadget geek is someone who has an over-abundance of the latest and greatest gadgets. Most times, this person is an early adopter, grabbing the first place in line when a piece of gear is released to the public, and is sometimes referred to as a "gadget whore" because of this. Keeping this in mind, a gadget geek doesn't necessarily recycle or throw away previous gadgets. Thus, the gadget geek has a veritable museum of past gadgets in their domicile. Gadget geeks also have a "childhood" phase, usually lasting about 3-5 days, wherein they are referred to as a "gadget tard" while they learn the intricacies of their newly acquired gadget. If you want to know what the best gadget is for a particular purpose, ask this geek.

Quick Summary

  • Average or sometimes advanced technical knowledge or expertise.
  • often times found in line at least a day before the release of the newest gadget (iPhone, Galaxy, etc)
  • Can be closely related to the Fanboy
  • Always has at least two gadgets on his/her person.
  • Can talk at length regarding about specifications, release dates, and projected societal effects of particular gadgets

Encyclopedia Geek

The sheer volume of information that this geek is able to recall is simply staggering. The main difference between this geek and an ubergeek is attitude. The encyclopedia geek takes great pride in chiming in on any subject remotely relating to any piece of information in that vast repository between their ears, and will hold long dissertations on a particular subject. You can tell you are in the presence of an encyclopedia geek by the glazed over eyes of the people around them. This person is also a mostly black/white person, meaning that there are no shades of gray. For example, whatever was written down by a manufacturer of a product, well, that is gospel, and cannot be wrong in the eyes of encyclopedia geek.

Quick Summary

  • Repository of sometimes useless knowledge the most people have forgetten or never learned about.
  • Can easily rattle off arcane settings and configurations.
  • Deals strictly in fact. There is no room for false information in this persons brain.
  • Monotone lecturing method induces glazed eye syndrome in trapped audience.
  • Sometimes considered a "teen" phase before becoming an ubergeek

Zealot

The zealot is the the mature phase of the fanboy. This person is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their perceived technological beliefs, often elevating the leaders of their "cult" to near-godlike status. A perfect example of this is that of the company named for a fruit, but which does not sell fruit. With the release of the latest product (in 2014, if you're reading this from the future), Android users welcomed these zealots to the year 2012, due to the fact that every feature that was introduced had already been available to Android users two years ago. Care must be taken when you run across a zealot. The zealot will not listen to logical points which may or may not detract from their Jesus-inspired device. They will claim such things as "it just works", and "it never gets virii", which seem to be the rallying cries of any zealot.

The natural habitat for these "fruit" zealots is usually in a coffee shop with a MacBook Air, an iPhone, and maybe an iPod. The usual attire is black clothes and white earbuds.

Quick Summary

  • An evolved form of the Fanboy.
  • Religiously follows a particular brand or product, bordering on idolatry.
  • Ignores logical conversation that diminish his chosen product.

Uber Geek

This is the ultimate breed of geek and is a mixture of many different types of geek. He or she is extremely intelligent and knowledgeable in many different areas. While most geeks are of above average intelligence, the uber geek is simply operating at a much higher level. These laid-back geeks have spent many years learning all the nooks and crannies of many related subject areas. What distinguishes the uber geek from the encyclopedia geek is the attitude, as well the as the method of knowledge ingestion. Encyclopedia geeks tend to simply ingest and store large volumes of information simply for archival purposes, while an uber geek will spend a great deal of time learning something simply for the joy of learning. He also happens to enjoy sharing that wisdom, without arrogance or distaste.

Bill Gates is often thought of an uber geek, but he is actually a Master Uber Geek, being that he is the progeny of two uber geeks.

As I've mentioned, uber geeks love to share knowledge, although their patience does sometimes wear thin when having to explain seemingly simple concept to "normals" more than once or twice.

Quick Summary

  • Highly intelligent and knowledgable
  • May or may not have a geek groupies
  • Sometimes referred to as a graybeard, as in "wise old man"
  • It has been estimated that ubergeeks are responsible for 85% of all Wikipedia articles.
  • Don't ask for an explanation more than twice. You'll get sent to a search engine

Poser Geek

This is a so-called "normal" who is attmepting to pose as a geek to appear smarter than they really are. This geek, being the complete opposite of an uber geek or encyclopedia geek can be especially dangerous for neophytes in that incorrect and even dangerous answers can be given in response to simple questions. There has been a rise in the number of posers in the last year or two, due to romanticizing of the geek culture the media at large. It's now cool to be a geek. However, these posers don't usually want to put in the time to become a true geek of any sort. In their eyes, it is enough to throw on some lense-less glasses and make a few (usually incorrect and/or hilarious) statements on the book of faces. Doesn't work that way, Sparky.

Quick Summary

  • Polar opposite of an ubergeek, wants to be called a geek just because they think it is an endearing term.
  • Wants people to think they are experts on a particular subject or area of geekdom.
  • Easily discovered after asking a few questions or in the discourse of conversation. Becomes adept at changing topics or deflecting questions.
  • Gets offended easily, and can be dangerous when discovered, if the poser is of a violent nature.
  • Ubergeeks enjoy making the poser geek squirm, burying them in their own hole of non-knowledge.

Conclusion

And there you have it. Which geek subspecies do you identify with, if any? Or maybe you consider yourself a "normal" or "filthy casual"? Got any additions to this list? Drop a comment below!


About the Author

dwirch has posted a total of 185 articles.

 


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